Questions to ask your parents
Ask your parents about places and objects before feelings: the house they grew up in, how they met, what they loved doing with you when you were small. Then ask the follow-up to whatever they just said. That is how MemoriesBox asks its 380 questions.
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How to use this list
Do not read it out in order. Three or four questions are enough for one conversation, and the good answer is usually one follow-up away from the first one.
A follow-up is the question you ask about the answer you just got, instead of moving to the next line on your list. Your mother says "we didn't have much, but we managed". The list says ask about school. The story is in how did you manage? Ask that instead.
Two rules before you start. Ask about places and things before feelings: "describe the kitchen" gets an answer, "were you happy?" gets "yes". And let the silences run. Most people fill a pause themselves, and what they say then is often better than your next question.
Where they came from
- Tell me about your father. What kind of man was he?
- How were your parents with each other? How did they meet?
- Are there stories in our family that pass from one generation to the next?
When they were small
- Take me through the house you grew up in. Where in it did you like to be?
- What were your favourite toys, and what happened to them?
- What was the first thing you were afraid of as a child?
How the two of you met
- How did you meet the great love of your life?
- Tell me about your wedding day, or the day you decided you were together for good.
- Is there something small the two of you do every day without discussing it?
When I was small
- Tell me about the day you knew you were going to be a parent.
- How did you choose my name?
- What did you love doing with us when we were small?
- What did being a parent teach you about your own parents?
What they would pass on
- What do you know now that you wish you had known at thirty?
- How do you decide what to fight for and what to let go?
- What do you want to say to each of your children? Say it to each of us by name.
Questions families ask
What is a good first question to ask my parents?
Ask about a place. "Take me through the house you grew up in" is easy to answer and leads straight to their parents, their brothers and sisters, and the street outside. Save the big questions for the third or fourth conversation.
Should I ask my mum and dad together or separately?
Both, at different times. Together, they correct and prompt each other, which is how you hear the story of how they met. Separately, each says the things they would not say in front of the other, often about their own parents.
Should I record it or just take notes?
Record it. Notes keep the facts and lose the person, and it is their voice the family will want in twenty years: how they say your name, the laugh, the phrase they always use. A phone on the table is enough to start.
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MemoriesBox asks the follow-up questions for you, over many conversations, and keeps their voice, not just a transcript. Hosted in the EU. See pricing, the first 14 days free.