When there isn't much time
If you have one hour, record their voice saying ordinary things first: names, a blessing, a story they always tell, and a message to each person. Use the phone in your pocket. Nothing needs to be bought for this, and MemoriesBox is not the first thing to reach for.
Facts on this page verified
The first hour
If you read nothing else, read this. Use the phone in your pocket. Put it on the bed or on the table between you, not held up. Record in this order.
- Their voice, saying ordinary things. Ask them to say the names of everyone in the family, one at a time, the way they say them. Then how they answer the telephone. Then a blessing, a toast, or whatever they say at the table. This takes four minutes and it is the material people play again twenty years later.
- A message to each person by name. Short. One or two sentences each is enough, and short is better than a speech they are too tired to finish.
- The story they always tell. The one everybody in the family can already recite. It will be the most fluent thing recorded that day, and it is the one the grandchildren will ask for.
- The proper nouns. Names of parents and grandparents, the village, the street, the ship, the regiment, the employer, the maiden names, the year they arrived. Facts are the part that becomes impossible to recover afterwards. Ten minutes here is worth a great deal later.
- One question about a period they liked. Not their life. A period. Then follow whatever they say, and stop when they are tired rather than when you have finished.
Do not restart because a nurse came in, a phone rang, or somebody cried. Leave all of it in. Nobody has ever regretted the untidiness of a recording of someone they loved.
The longer version of this order is what to record when there isn't much time. It is free and there is nothing to buy on it.
If you have longer than an hour
| What you have | What to do with it |
|---|---|
| An afternoon | The list above, then photographs. An object in the hand keeps a conversation going when questions do not. Going through old photographs together |
| A week | Two or three short sessions rather than one long one. Mornings are usually better. Twenty minutes is a session |
| A month | A proper sequence: childhood, leaving home, work, the people they lost, what they think they got right. The first twenty minutes |
| Only phone calls | Record the calls, with permission. How to record a phone call with a parent has the consent rules by country |
| Someone who is too tired to talk | Sit and record while they listen to you, or to music. Their laugh is a recording. Their breathing is not nothing |
StoryCorps has recorded more than 700,000 people in ordinary conversation since 2003, and the archive is held at the Library of Congress (storycorps.org). Their recordings are two people at a table for forty minutes. That is the whole format, and it is considered worth keeping at national-archive level. Whatever you manage this week is the same kind of thing.
The practical things nobody mentions
- Room noise matters more than the microphone. Turn off the television and the fan. Close the window. A phone in a quiet room beats good equipment in a loud one.
- Distance. About an arm's length, on a soft surface rather than a hard table, which reduces knocks and rattles.
- Say the date at the start. Your voice, five seconds: the date, where you are, who is here. In ten years this is the most useful part of the file.
- Ask permission out loud, on the recording. "Is it all right if I record this?" It takes three seconds and it settles the question permanently.
- Back it up the same day. Two places. This is the single most common regret we hear about, and it has nothing to do with any product.
- Your own voice is in the recording too. People do not expect this and are usually glad of it afterwards.
If you want a person to help
Write to hello@memoriesbox.org. Say what the situation is and how much time there is. A person will read it and answer, and if the answer is "do this yourself on your phone this afternoon, here is how", that is what you will get. You do not need to be a customer and there is nothing to sign up for to ask.
If it is easier to have someone else arrange and run the conversations, that exists too, and it is described below rather than at the top of this page.
What it costs, if you get that far
A MemoriesBox subscription is $139 a year with the first 14 days free, and it can be cancelled at any time. In situations like this one, families quite often record what they need inside the free two weeks and never pay anything. That is a normal outcome and we would rather say so here than have you find it out later.
If you would like it handled rather than arranged: VIP Setup is $299 one-time, which is someone setting everything up and sitting with the person for the first conversation. VIP Complete is from $790 and is three to four guided conversations. Extra help is $160 an hour or $420 for three hours.
A voice model can be built from about 30 minutes of recordings. With less than that, you have audio, which was always the more important of the two.
What we will not do
We only build a voice from recordings the person made themselves, knowingly, while they were alive and taking part. We do not build anyone from photographs, from messages, or from a family member's description. If someone has already died, there is nothing we can offer beyond what to do with the recordings afterwards, and we would rather say that clearly than sell you something in a week like this.
Everything is held in the European Union and can be exported at any time. What happens to your recordings if MemoriesBox shuts down is worth two minutes before you put anything anywhere, including here.
Questions people ask
What should I record if there is only one hour left?
Their voice saying ordinary things first: the family's names, the way they answer the phone, a blessing or a toast. Then a short message to each person by name. Then the story they always tell. Then the proper nouns — villages, ships, employers, maiden names. Use your phone, and do not restart because of interruptions.
Is it wrong to ask someone in hospice to be recorded?
Ask, and let them decide. Many people want to be asked and have been waiting for someone to raise it. If the answer is no, it is no, and it stays no. What you should not do is record without saying so.
Can this be done from another country?
Yes. A recorded phone call is a real recording, and it is often what is available. The consent rules differ by country and are set out on how to record a phone call with a parent.
Can we build the avatar later, after the funeral?
Yes, from recordings that already exist and were made with their knowledge. What cannot happen later is the consent. If you are able to ask them now, even in one sentence on the recording, ask them now.
Do we have to decide anything today?
No. Recording and building an avatar are separate decisions, and the second one can be left for a year, or forever. Families who only ever keep the audio are not doing a lesser version of this.
Related: When the details are starting to go · For soldiers and their families · After a diagnosis · Who MemoriesBox is for
If it helps, start a subscription: $139 a year, first 14 days free, cancel anytime. If it does not, the pages linked above are free and work without us.